Thursday, January 19, 2006

I am to jiggly toilet seats what Johnny Appleseed is to apples.

Even men need to sit down to go to the bathroom sometimes. I will leave the details of the reasons for this up to the astute reader (think #2). Proper installation of the required toilet seat is critical.

How is it that the nuts on the bolts that hold the toilet seat onto the bowl always seem to come loose or be loose? Is it because they are upside down so they just "fall" loose ever so slowly as the unscrew downhill? When you sit on one of these really loose, jiggly toilet seats you risk the thing sliding out from underneath you and dumping you in the toilet or on the floor with your pants around your ankles. How pleasant.

Is it the same in the ladies' room? Is anybody making sure the toilet seats are not loose for them? I often wonder if the bathrooms are nicer on the other side of the gender divide. Have any of my readers encountered this problem and actually done anything about it? Is this very Type A personality? ( I often fix the toilet paper to be overhand as well) Please guys and girls leave your comments on your experiences with loose toilet seats.

So I have made it a point to tighten these loose nuts on the bolts that hold on the toilet seat wherever I find them, except where the toilet is so nasty that I don't touch anything. It is first for self-preservation, because I don't want to fall in or fall off, and then it is a service to my fellow toilet visitors. If we all tighten the screws then all of the toilet seats will be ready for the next person. The nuts are under the bowl under the toilet seat hinge. Please consider this public service the next time you encounter a jiggly toilet seat.

update: I failed to include a link to this article about a man whose "manhood" was crushed when his toilet seat shifted unexpectedly at a New York Starbucks back in Dec 1999. eek!


The Virtual Ranger said...

God bless you, sir, for your big-heartedness. I think I'd quail at the idea of fumbling under the rim of alien toilets, but it's very reassuring to know that somebody is.

The picture you show seems to be of a very tiny nut - not the normal 'wingnut' type that can be manipulated by hand. Do you carry a whole set of spanners in your back pocket too?

Keep up your good work. And what is it with toilet paper being put up back-to-front? My ex used to say it was a boy-girl thing, but I reckon most right-minded people would always want it in the 'overhand' arrangement. Does anyone actually prefer the opposite style?

Richard Koehler said...

In answer to the virtual ranger: I do not carry spanners around (in America we call them wrenches) so all tightening is by hand followed by vigorous hand washing because I also fear alien toilets. The toilet paper arrangement will always produce arguement because there are two choices, and thus two opposite sides to be on. Arguing over such things is the human condition.

Leon said...

The cure!

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