Five velociraptors jumping on the bed

Five velociraptors jumping on the bed.
One jumped down and bit off your head!
Momma called the doctor and the doctor said.
You are dead without your head!
(and you don't need a doctor to tell you that)

The Internet is replete with useful quizzes to help quantify the results of situations you will never experience. Here is one:

I could survive for 54 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Created by Bunk Beds Pedia

Good luck.

(jumping monkeys words)